today was your birthday. 4 years ago I had a vbaccc. And you made a grand entrance. You've stolen the show since you were born. You have brought such joy to our lives. You've brought out character qualities in others that are good. You are a blessing. Yet today, today, my fear is losing you. To this nastiness. This disease your fighting for. Tonight as you took a medicine, you said to me, is this so I won't have Lyme disease any more. If only. If only. If only for 1 day he could go med free. He could eat whatever he wanted. If only I didn't have to watch the clock constantly to make sure he got his meds in the right spacing. If only the twitch that he has would stop, because even after weeks of it now, it's enough to throw me, momentarily in to a heep of tears on the floor, to make me want to cry like there's no tomorrow. And yet, the tears, they don't help. They don't take the hurt or the worry away. They don't take the damage away. The disease has affected our whole family. In some ways we are weaker, and others stronger.
My little Christopher, my wish is that I could somehow take the pain, the meds, all of it, away from you. I'd carry it myself if I could. I love you.
Happy birthday my lil man.
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